As the day wore on, Quinn and General Beauregard Lee chatted amiably about their backgrounds. Since both were herbivores, they shared a simple and satisfying evening meal of grass and berries, after which Beauregard invited Quinn to stay overnight and attend the Groundhog meeting the next day. Of course, this is precisely the invitation that our investigative reporter Quinn had hoped for.

It was a stressful night, a night of anticipation where neither could rest, further complicated by inherently different sleeping patterns. General Beauregard and other groundhogs sleep at night, while porcupines usually sleep during the day. When Quinn joined Dylan to travel aboard Wish, sleep habits were adapted to suit Dylan and the other passengers. So, although a bit travel-worn, Quinn listened attentively as Beauregard chattered away, continuing to answer questions. 

BEAUREGARD LEE: “Ah, y’all wanna know where the other two groundhogs hail from. First off, there’s Buckeye Chuck from Marion, Ohio, and I recon Pierre Shadeaux is comin all the way from Lousiana. Now, bout some of them other infamous groundhogs I reached out to. Bless their hearts, they just can’t make such long hauls anymore. But I’ll tell ya this—they sure did confirm what we’ve all been feelin’ these past ten years, plain as day.”

Quinn: “And the West? Any representatives from there? The news reporters keep talking about the worsening wildfires.”

BEAUREGARD LEE: “Now, I know groundhogs ain’t native to out West, but I did hear somethin’ mighty interestin’. Turns out, there’s a weather-prognosticatin’ tortoise down in Southern California. Goes by the name Mojave Maxine—how ‘bout that? She’s livin’ it up in a desert zoo in Palm Springs. And just like we groundhogs, Maxine’s been pokin’ her head out earlier and earlier every year since way back in 2015. Guess she’s got her own way of lettin’ folks know what’s comin’!”

Quinn leaned back, reflecting on Beauregard’s words. The message was clear—be it groundhogs in the East or a tortoise out West, nature was sounding the same alarm — increasingly warm weather patterns. This was the main reason for the planned groundhog meeting. But, in addition to climate change, the groundhogs had more on their agenda.

The other expected groundhog guests, had only heard tales of General Beauregard Lee and his long-ago bond with Abigail. They were eager for Beauregard’s stories and, obviously, Investigative Reporter Quinn shared their curiosity. Thus, with Quinn’s quill, never far from paw along with the wrist recorder, conversation between the two stretched long into the night, weaving through a history, mystery, and perhaps a call for action.

BEAUREGARD LEE: “Well Quinn, ya asked ‘bout me bein’ a General. Well, I been one far back as I can remember. Matter o’ fact, I’m the third in a long line of General Beauregards. Was named after my great-granddaddy to the third power o’ greats, who first took up the title back in 1988. And before him there was a forecaster in 1981 ‘til ‘bout 1988, known ‘cross the region, and even beyond, as General Robert E. Lee. Course, we’re both named after famous Confederate Generals. Hate to admit it, considerin’ how folks look at that kinda thing nowadays. Lotta folks down here still call it the War of Northern Aggression, though Phil an’ his kin up north call it the Civil War. Not gonna get into all that right now.”

QUINN: “Wow, that’s fascinating! I absolutely need to hear more about your connection with Abigail. You see, my friend Dylan knows Abigail quite well and specifically sent me to find her. In fact, that’s exactly where I was headed before I stumbled—quite literally—into your burrow. Dylan is sure that Abigail has insight into what’s going on and that some animals, who helped in the past, may be able to do so once again. Beauregard, I believe our meeting was an act of fate.”

BEAUREGARD LEE: “Sounds bout right to me. Well now, let me tell y’all how I came to be a real General, not just one by name passed down. Back in twenty-sixteen, when I was young and strong, I earned it fair and square. That was somethin’, I tell ya. Now, it’s been goin’ on twelve years since then, and while I ain’t got the strength I used to, these years’ve gifted me a whole heap of wisdom that I wouldn’t trade for nothin’.”

QUINN: “Tell me everything—what really happened back in 2016? Don’t hold back; I want every twist, every detail, no matter how small.

BEAUREGARD LEE: “Well, here ya go. Ah helped an amazin’ stripe-less skunk by the name of Sebastian earn his stripes. Poor thang was cursed, bein’ born without them famous skunk stripes, bless his heart. Ya see, it was—and still is—the Age of Aquarius, and accordin’ to skunk lore, a special skunk born durin’ that time, would be given the chance to earn its stripes. That skunk was Sebastian, and him earnin’ them stripes lifted the curse off all of skunkdom, sure as the sun rises in the east.”

QUINN: “Go on, go on. I know it was long ago, but can you please tell me exactly what you did to help?”

BEAUREGARD: “Yes, of course, I’m gettin’ there. See, Abigail got herself caught up with Sebastian Skunk and Willie Weasel after poor Sebastian had his tail ripped clean off in a bad accident. If y’all haven’t read ‘Sebastian’s Tale’ by Dylan, it’s all laid out there real nice.

Anyway, Abigail, bein’ the sweetheart she is, took Sebastian to her vet, who stitched that tail back on good as new. That’s when his stripes started comin’ in—though he still had to earn ’em, mind you.

Back then Abigail was in a real bind fightin’ off some oil men plannin’ to tear up the woods behind her house. When Sebastian and Willie realized their burrows would get wiped out too, they joined in to help her hold her ground.”

QUINN: “And then? Please just the facts! 

BEAUREGARD: “Well now, I do have a way of takin’ my sweet time explainin’ things, don’t I? Alright then, I’ll try to stick to the facts, ‘cause there’s a heap more to tell. First off, with Abigail, Willie, the Kit Coaches, and myself lendin’ a hand, Sebastian managed to round up a whole hundred skunks. Called ‘em the First Skunk Troop and got himself titled Commander. As for me, well, obviously I became their General. After the Kit Coaches schooled Sebastian in the fine Art of Skunk Defense, I helped lead them troops into battle. After that, I went back home and began trainin’ up more skunk troops in my own region.”

QUINN: “Fascinating details! Your story raises even more intriguing questions: Who were the legendary Kit Coaches? What kind of weapon did the one hundred skunks wield in their fight? And, most importantly, I’m dying to know all about this mysterious Art of Skunk Defense!”

Stay tuned to learn more …