Still in Abigail’s living-room, Quinn stopped the recorder, took a deep breath and asked Abigail if she wanted to hear more since there was still more of the recording left to play.

ABIGAIL: “Of course, please continue. I’ll just refill our wine glasses and get more nibbles before you restart.”

After the two were settled again with their refills, more cheese, crackers and veggies, Quinn pushed the playback button and resumed the recording …

BEAUREGARD LEE: “You been askin’ ‘bout them Kit Coaches and wonderin’ what kinda weapons them skunks used in the war. But most of all, you’re curious bout The Art of Skunk Defense.”

QUINN: “Exactly! Please go on—I’m anxious to hear more. In fact, my friend Dylan would probably say ‘I’m all ears.’ We porcupines do have exceptional hearing. But listening? That’s a different skill entirely and one at which I also excel.”

BEAUREGARD LEE: “No doubt ’bout that, after all, you ARE a genuine investigative reporter.  Ah’ll start with them kit coaches. There were two over yonder at that there Enlightenment School. See, back durin’ Enlightenment, Sebastian and Willie—‘long with every other critter in their kin— went to school to learn how to fend for themselves.”

QUINN: “Forgive me for interrupting, but you just used the word Enlightenment in two different ways—once as the name of a school and then as a reference to what seems to be a specific time in life. Could you clarify what you mean by — during enlightenment?”

BEAUREGARD LEE: “Well now Quinn, lemme tell ya somethin’, When skunks and weasels come into this world, they’re called kits—ain’t pups like us groundhogs, and sure ain’t porcupettes like y’all with them quills. And none of us woodland critters hang ’round our mamas near as long as human folks do, no sir. We grow up fast—real fast. In just a year or two, we’re out on our own, makin’ our way in the wild.”

For skunks and weasels, that ain’t just movin’ out—it’s a whole new way of bein’. We call that first stage of growin’ up ‘Pretendment’—’cause that’s when little ones is figurin’ out the world through play and make-believe. But then comes somethin’ real special—’Enlightenment.’ That’s when things start shiftin’.

See, in this here Enlightenment phase, we’re wakin’ up, understandin’ the world better, seein’ things clearer. And I tell ya what, that’s when schoolin’ don’t just come in handy —it’s downright necessary. ‘Cause knowin’ what’s what, well, that’s how we make our way in this world.”

QUINN: “Thanks, Beauregard! You explained that beautifully— and melodically, if I must say so! But now, back to the facts. I want to know more about these kit coaches. Were they teachers in the school? What were their names and what did they teach? And oh—don’t forget to tell me all about the Art of Skunk Defense!”

BEAUREGARD LEE: “Yessir, this Enlightenment School had two Coaches—two real fine teachers. Politella was in charge of teachin’ weasel folk, ya know, the Mustelidae family members. And the skunks, well, they had themselves a Coach they just called ‘Sir.’ That’s right—just Sir from the Mephitidae family. Now, both these families, they studied up at the same school on account of them sharin’ some common ways. Their lessons? Oh, mighty important—learnin’ how to scavenge for food, find themselves a good mate, and, of course, how to stay out of trouble and defend themselves when trouble found them’. 

ABIGAIL: “Ah, yes. You can stop the recorder—I already know all about The Art of Skunk Defense. I imagine you were quite impressed when Beauregard Lee explained how Sebastian and the first skunk troop remained hidden in a network of underground tunnels behind my old house. They stayed there until the skunks felt the rumble of trucks coming to clear the land for gas wells. Did Beauregard mention that I was the one responsible for gathering and delivering food and water for the troops?”

QUINN: “He certainly did. Beauregard also told me he was the troop’s final instructor in The Art of War. It was Beauregard who trained the skunks to use various warning signals—like hissing or raising their tails—before releasing the ultimate defense, their nasty pungent musk.”

ABIGAIL: “Did he also mention that skunks can spray their musk up to fifteen feet? As they emerged from underground, Beauregard told Sebastian to position all one hundred skunks in a precise horizontal line exactly that distance from the approaching trucks. Knowing skunks take at least ten days to replenish their musk, Beauregard—being a brilliant engineer, like all groundhogs—devised a clever strategy for Sebastian’s Skunk Troop. With one hundred skunks he instructed each skunk to spray only once in turn. This ensured they would never run out of ammunition, creating a continuous, effective defense. The tactic worked perfectly, driving the truckers away.”

QUINN: “So, you—and I’m sure Dylan—knew all about what happened twelve years ago. But what you don’t yet know is the outcome of the Groundhog’s meeting the next morning. I know you’ll want to hear that recording next.”

Stay tuned to learn more …